Where's My Money Season 5, Episode 2

Financial Abuse – Two Kiwi Women’s Story of Survival
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Season Five of multi-award-winning podcast Where’s My Money? is back to shed light on the common money questions New Zealanders are asking.

enable.me partners with rova to bring this podcast to life and stimulate the conversation about finances with everyday Kiwis. Where’s My Money? follows the story of Reagan – a man chasing the Kiwi Dream but feeling stuck living month-to-month – and his discussions with the experts about what he may be doing wrong and how to fix it.

One man. One million dollars of debt. One podcast to find a way out.

Generally, we often consider domestic abuse to remain firmly in the physical realm – cuts, bruises, broken bones – but Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) encompasses both this and wider forms of power and control.

In New Zealand, we recognise multiple forms of abuse: physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, and spiritual.

With 1 in 3 women experiencing sexual and/or sexual violence, and 1 in 2 women experiencing psychological/emotional violence1, and 1 in 8 men in New Zealand reporting being victims of IPV2 in their lifetime – while knowing this is an underreported statistic – it is important to bring these often-shunned topics into the light.

Courageous Kiwi women Ashley and Emily join this episode of Where’s My Money? to share their stories and experiences of financial abuse.

They hope through sharing their strength, they will help expose this issue, bring awareness for other people who may be going through similar situations and, ultimately, bring about change in the way we treat financial abuse in New Zealand.

Leaving A Financially Abusive Marriage

Often, there are factors beyond your control that make it difficult to notice signs of financial or other forms of abuse at first.

It could be that the victim is not aware of what this looks like, or that it gradually becomes worse over time and it can be hard to recognise when you are in the middle of it.

Ashley shares her experience with financial abuse within her four-year relationship and, eventually, marriage.

They were young – Ashley only 18 years old – when they met and he moved in with her and her mum. She says he, “predominantly earned more than me,” but “didn’t really have a stable job.”

Slowly, her partner began to financially take advantage of Ashley and her family – from a car that he didn’t make payments on, to paying for his dentist visit, to payments going out of a joint account for debt Ashley wasn’t fully aware of.

Over time, credit card and loan debt racked up, mostly in Ashley’s name.

When she separated from him and moved away to start a new life free from his contact and influence, she found herself with debt to her name that took the same number of years as she was in the relationship to pay off.

Now, looking back, she can identify the things that were ‘off’ at the beginning of the relationship, that she realises were the hallmarks of financial abuse. Namely, control through financial means.

She says, “we moved in together really quickly and now that I look back, I actually see some of those financial red flags early on.”

That’s why she is choosing to be open about her story, so that other people can identify the red flags when they find themselves in a similar situation.

Ashley’s Law: “I feel so proud.”

When Ashley, then married to her abusive partner, separated from him, she discovered that she would still have to wait for the full two-year separation period to elapse before she could file for divorce – even with a final protection order in place prohibiting their contact.

Ashley says, “I think back to how I felt when I finally got that divorce. You know, it took 1,043 days to get my divorce. And that was 1,043 days too long.”

Using her experience to spearhead change for those in similar situations, she has worked on bringing change to the law, with the Family Proceedings (Dissolution of Marriage or Civil Union for Family Violence) Amendment Act 2024 – known as ‘Ashley’s Law’.

Ashley set up a petition calling for change when there is domestic abuse as a factor in the divorce, and now, as of October 2025, a victim of family violence will be able to file for divorce with only the final protection order being necessary, before the two-year separation period has elapsed.

Ashley reflects on the impact Ashley’s Law will have on people experiencing similar situations to hers.

She says, “I think back to that feeling [of finally being divorced] and I’m like, so many more people are going to get that so much sooner.”

“And my biggest takeaway out of everything I’ve been through is that I went through this for a reason. And I’m not going to not use my story to empower others and teach others that you can move past it.”

Taking It Step-By-Step

AdviceFirst Financial Adviser Emily Owens also joined the podcast episode to share her experience of financial abuse in a controlling relationship.

She has shared her story previously in an enable.me article – one of resilience, growth and finding opportunities to give back to the communities and organisations that have supported her.

Emily shares that it was by taking it in small steps, making achievable goals and seeing them get ticked off, that allowed her to move forwards, with her newborn baby, after her abusive relationship ended.

She says, “you just build these new goals, once you start achieving the smaller ones, you start to think, ‘well, I could do that maybe.’”

Emily is championing enable.me’s support of Dress for Success as a corporate sponsor, wanting to give back to the charity that provided support when she needed it in her teens.

She has been the organiser of multiple initiatives, such as fundraising events, clothing drives, volunteering, and a financial wellbeing workshop.

Emily believes that by sharing her story with other women in need, she can inspire them to reach out for help and support.

And what is Emily’s advice for other people who may find themselves in a similar situation?

Emily emphasises, “support systems really save and change lives. Being aware of the places that are really hoping to help people just like you.”

“Just educate yourself, learn more and find those people who are willing to go out and give you support [and] help.”

To wrap up, Ashley shares, “I think in terms of things like Dress for Success and things like that, a lot of people that I’ve kind of met on this journey, they’re always like, ‘Oh, but there’s someone else worse off than me.’”

“And I think as Kiwis, we just have that mentality. But you’re allowed to access those services… why are you robbing yourself of support from the agencies and services that are there to support… you know, they’re there to help you.”

Watch or listen to the full episode to hear Ashley and Emily’s empowering stories in full. If anything in this episode has resonated with you, or sounds familiar, reach out to one of the agencies that can provide support. We have linked a few below.

1Te Puna Aonui: https://preventfvsv.govt.nz/assets/Resources/Te-Puna-Aonui-Infographic.pdf

2White Ribbon: https://whiteribbon.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/fact-sheet-on-gender-and-family-violence.pdf

Disclaimer: The Where’s My Money? podcast and the information shared by host Reagan White and his guests does not constitute individual financial advice. If you’re interested in receiving financial advice, you can book a consultation with an enable.me coach. Costs apply.

If you have experienced or are experiencing family harm, you can access help or information here: